"Still Alive"

 For the longest time, I pondered coming back here to leave a piece. Dear reader, a lot has happened since 2018 when I came back home from Ireland . Believe me, life has happened to me. 

I am however proud to say that I am still standing despite the many obstacles i faced on the way to becoming the current me. One thing i must let you in on is the fact that your girl is now lawyer! 

I know this may come as a surprise but this is where we are now! Your girl from Chitomborwizi keeps winning right? Wrong, the truth of the matter is life has been happening to me left right and centre.

Now that I have spoken about some positive things,I think it is imperative to mention that the mother who raised me did not live long enough to see me become a lawyer. I feel like I am experiencing hunherera for the second time in my life. Death did not stop there, recently i lost my brother, my twin! However in all this I continue to be thankful and grateful to God.

I did not mean to dampen the mood but a lot has happened and i feel the need to update. I am sure you are wondering what became of the pressure for me to settle down and have a family of my own. All i can say is, It did happen, I experienced all of it, having a husband and having kids. Heck i even went on to have  a set of twins. But believe me when i say that I still have questions on whether this life of marriage is meant for everyone or we just do it to be accepted in our community. One day I will give a full expose of my experience.  For now i will continue to raise the babies i brought into this life with the hope that I will see them grow up and become the best beings. 

There is however one thing i can't leave without mentioning and that is the fact that, we lose people, some move on, some we outgrow and some we continue to love from a distance!

I surely hope this small piece has given you a glimpse of what is happening in my life and where i am.

The Unexpected but Appreciated and Celebrated!

It was never a dream of mine to stay in any other country apart from my motherland Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe is where the heart is, where the umbilical cord is, where family and friends are. Sometimes the unexpected happens, it happened to me in 2016 when I received an opportunity to cross over the ocean and further my studies. I thought twice about applying, I pondered on the idea, finally I completed the application form. The process was long, but I never gave up, I gave it my all until the end when I was finally awarded a scholarship by Irish Aid to pursue a Master of Public Health (MPH) in Ireland.

During the application process, I did not think the day will come when I will have to leave Zimbabwe to pursue my dream course. I had applied in Zimbabwe for this course, paid for many application forms but nothing came of it. The day finally came in 2017 when an email came informing me of my successful application, it said I had been chosen, I had been successful, I was to leave Zimbabwe in a few weeks. I did not know how to react, do I smile, do I scream, or do I cry. I was with a colleague from work at that moment, she hugged me and said I knew you would make it, let’s go celebrate. We ate ice cream and waffles reminiscing about how it all began. The colleague had also applied for a scholarship to go study in the UK same time and so we talked about how it will be in a foreign land.

It was an emotional time for me, surely God had remembered me, my mind went back to where I came from. A small girl from Chitomborwizi, a rural area in Mashonaland West, a cattle herder. Who would have thought that in my life time, I would be one of those to leave the rural area later on leave Zimbabwe to go and pursue a Masters degree. I shared the news with family and friends, they were happy, and we celebrated.

September 2017 came, I had to leave my family and friends behind to go where was to be my home for the coming year. I left it all behind, got on a plane and the following day I was in Ireland. It was my first time being in this part of the world. It was raining, it was cold, and I did not know my way around but thanks to technology you can always read and google yourself out of any situation. I was to stay in Cork, a town in Ireland and learn at University College Cork. I did not know what to expect, whether I was going to understand the accent of lectures, all I knew was I had to learn and leave this country with my MPH. I had two options, either to pass or pass very well. As fate will have it, I understood and coped very well, in fact I was always being asked why I speak so much good English. Thanks to Irish Aid, life was not difficult because everything was taken care of. All I had to do was attend lectures and make sure I pass. As expected I experienced some culture shock, the food tasted differently, and the rainy cold weather made it even harder.

Being in Ireland for a year made me realize that yes, we can cope in foreign lands, pose for photos and post them on Facebook but home is best. I am grateful for the opportunity, I came, saw, learnt and even experienced snow for the first time. Now I will leave a better person proud to be me. Do not get me wrong, I enjoyed my time in Cork, I made knew friends and got to interact with people from around the world. The girl from Chitomborwizi will from now on stand up and say, “hie, I am Nyasha Sanie and I studied my Master of Public Health in Ireland”.

Let me leave it here, I hope this will give you an update of what I have been up to since it had been a minute without me writing!

Mixed feelings-update

Its been a year without me writing something here. Lets jump right into it, its been a long time of reflections, ups and downs of this life.

2016 is upon us and for me i am no longer the small woman i used to be, the big three 0 is upon me this year and i must say i feel the pressure . I feel the pressure from family and friends who feel and believe its now over due for me to settle down and raise a family of my own. My question ladies and gentlemen is whether everyone including me is supposed to do that and lead such a life. Statistics have shown that women are more than the men, does that not mean there are exceptions where some women fail to find just the right guy to settle with. Maybe , just maybe the guy is dead or he was just never born. It is just a question ladies and gentlemen not taking away anything from the idea of marriage.

The writer has all the respect for marriage, especially functional marriages where a family is raised with all the love. Recently there has been a surge of people filling for divorce just 5 months of getting married. To me this is sign, there is need to take a step back and correct whatever has gone wrong in the marriage institution. Do not get me wrong , ladies and gentlemen, i do wish to find the prince who will sweep me off my feet and the wedding bells ring, however i am worried if ever that is real. Every woman including me wants and needs  a successful guy who loves them and build a family with . My worry is, there seem to be a lot of pressure at the door of marriage. Pressure of people in marriage wanting to get out and those outside wanting to get into marriage. The sad part of all this is , these two never stop to exchange notes, if ever there is an exchange of notes, these two are never completely honest with each other. Hence we are in this predicament where a few of us are brave enough to want more than just one day of happiness where the family gathers and ululate muroora kana mkwasha auuya mumusha. Not to be judged by the feeling of the moment. I wait for the day where all my unanswered questions are answered , i wait for the day where its my turn to cross over to the other side with pride and joy knowing i have made a choice which will bring me happiness and joy and I bringing joy to the other person too.

 Let me settle down for now and be back with more interesting things that are happening in Zimbabwe, the many churches, the many prophets and so on..........

Making lemonade from lemons the best ingredient

After a series of wondering, complaining and crying over the many lemons that life was throwing at me, i took one advice from a friend who suggested that instead of crying i make lemonade  out of the lemons. At first , the sound of the advice seemed a bit rude but now after a while of chopping the lemons i can surely testify that the lemon juice is the sweetest of them juices i have tested all my life. 

Life can be hard yes, life can be cruel yes, but behold the joy that comes after experiencing such is a feeling to die for. This is just one to persuade anyone out there who might be feeling suffocated by life and asking why me. It is you because you can handle and this phase of hardships is necessary as it will usher you to your destiny if ever there is such a thing because some people argue that there is no such thing as destiny but you build what you will become. In that sense i would say from how sweet the lemonade is so far, i did build a good something out of all the rocks thrown at me through out my life. My life looked blank and dim not so long ago, but hey i can see the light. The light is showing from  afar but i am surely making the necessary huge steps to get to it before dawn. 

Wait , this writing is now slowing me down, let me run to catch the sun whilst its still shining!

The hardest thing about letting go!

There is a time that comes for one to let go of some things in their life in order to move on and be happy. Often we fall into a comfort zone even if it means not being happy but just at ease being in a familiar place. How do i move one, how do i let go, how do i look forward with confidence when all i have known is going to remain behind. Teach me to move on, teach me to accept reality and confiscate the fear within me.

I feel i am sitting in a blurry place but with little hope of a light that is going to come, how can i be certain if i get up from where i am sitting outside there is sunshine, teach me to let go. I know and feel i could be happier but how do i let go! I can even feel the sunlight and feel a bit of fresh air coming from outside but how I let go, teach me to let go. At the end of it all i know only I, have the keys to liberate myself, i myself have the muscle to let go and look beyond the temporal wall that is startling me, i call upon all the strength in me to guide me as i seek glow in this nightfall!

When growing doesn't seem so much of a good idea

Looking back at my life, every birthday that came was accompanied by a colorful card wishing me a happy birthday and many more to come. It was amusing and thrilling having a year more each and every year. This mainly got influence from the fact that someone had succeed in convincing me that growing up was such a glorious thing as i will be getting closer and closer to the person i want to be in this life. This worked all the way through my teen life until i reached 25 years and I began to see the other side of my life. Now i turn 28 years and my heart is broken and angry for growing up because i seem not be reaching to that person i want to be, I have since seized to be looking forward to who i want to be as I now fear getting closer to my grave. Do not get me wrong, i am glad that life has kept me this far but what is exasperating is the unfair disappointments that life is coming with. The future looks distorted, cold and all sorts of horrid things. If only it was possible, was going to ask for a glimpse into my future that maybe my heart can be at ease. At some point i stop to ask myself, when am i going to enjoy this life that i seem to spend most of my time working on. I ask myself the following, when am i going to sit and smile back at all that i have achieved, when is the sun going to come u bringing me that special someone to share my thoughts with. After high school, my life was all planned up; i will go to college, get a job, get married to a loving husband and have 2 beautiful children, a boy and a girl. However as the years increase, i seem to be drifting further away from the dream i was supposed to be getting closer to. This confuses me, should i a go back and try to find the turn i missed, did i take a right turn instead of a left turn, who can answer all these questions. I know a lot will say ask God, the right time will come, and i ask how do i communicate with God and if i took the wrong turn was he (God) not watching when i was getting lost? However i celebrate my birthday with contentment as i have decided to treasure moments, the moments when happiness engulfs my heart, the moments i wish time would just freeze and last forever.

 

at 28

The future still blured for a Person living with HIV in Zimbabwe.....

Zimbabwe is one of the African countries which has been hit by the AIDS pandemic and still not everyone can acces the life saving drugs. Without taking away any credit from the efforts that the government has made so far, it is a concen and a lot of ( People Living with HIV) PLHIV are living in fear of not having their drugs in the near future. The economic sitution can be blamed for the challenges PLHIV are facing but still it is the view of this writer that more can be done. Should Zimbabwe surely rely on donours for the precious lives of its people?The question is valuable considereng a revelation made by the former Minister of Health and Child Welfair DR Parirenyatwa that 98% of the drugs at the  National Pharmaceutical Company of Zimbabwe (NAT PHARM ) are donour funded and only 2% belongs to the governemnt fo Zimbabwe.Quiet shocking for a country which is rich in minerals which are making  a huge sale abroad.

 

In light of the above revelation, one will wonder what the role  of the National AIDs Trust Funds (NATIF) which is coordinated by the National AIDS Council (NAC) is playing in all this. The truth is, there is no clear and straight answer because all is there are financial reports which needs an interpreter for people like some of us who are freaked out by numbers. Zimbabwe is however applauded for the NATIF funds where every formal employee in Zimbabwe get to contribute 3% of their salary as AIDS levy but is it really a good practice in real life. The National AIDS Council of Zimbawe is now one of the biggest employer in Zimbabwe and so much money is being spent on adminastration, how does this benefit a person who is living with HIV and not accessing their medication?. Of late shortages of drugs for PLHIV has become the order of the day and this has a great impact as most PLHIV are not emloyed and can not afford to buy the drugs over the counter. This has only cought he attention of  the affected people but  nothing is being done to rectify the problem, infact at this crucial time NAC employees are showered with allowances and loans to buy cars and houses. Not that it is the fault of the NAC employees who are at the receiving end but the blame goes to the NAC ACT which legalises all they are doing. The problem then goes back to the NAC Act, as it is proving to be a  monster which was created long back and now its effects are beggining  to show. After all, the establshement of the NATF funds came as a result of PLHIV marching and spending nights in the streets, so it is them that should benefit from the AIDS Levy. PLHIV on the 10th of October returned to the streets again upon realising that, the AIDS Levy is not being beneficial to them.

 

 

some of the crowd who participated in the march held on the 10th of October 2012.

 

Divertng from NAC, does it mean that locally it is the responsibility of the National AIDS Council to make sure that ARVS are available all the time for people who need them? The answer is no, and neither is it the responsibility of the Donours. Looking from within Zimbabwe, there are rich people who are channelling their funds in the wrong direction for instance we have Mbada diomonds, surely  they can spare a few dollars for the sick and plough back to the community. There are also people like Makandiwa who are making thousand of dollars during every service, what is more important, buying one of the Mahendere brothers a benz and many others or funding the health care system ? The truth is that, money is there in Zimbabwe but the priorites of those with resources are just misplaced. Even the Government itself does not seem to be bugged by the situation because at a time when there is no war in the country, huge amount of money is spent on the army and buying ammunition.

 

The time is now, for people to refocus their attention on things that matter, like making sure that the healthcare system is fully funded with much focus being on making sure that ARVs are available for everyone. This will also be a step in the right direction towards attaining 'zero new infections, zero HIV related deaths and zero descrimination.' This is just food for thought, an ice back on the tip... the writer just  tried to bring out a number of  issues..food for thought!........